Step into my Beauty Parlor
I wish it were 78 degrees outside and I could ask you over after work to sit on my stoop for a beer and a confab. We could swap the latest gossip, put our feet up and share memorable beauty disasters and successes we have had or personally witnessed. We could title the theme of our discussion, "When Beauty Goes Bad: Recidivism Rates and the Cost to Societal Infrastructures."
For example, we could generally agree that we hate it when ladies color outside the lines with their lipstick or lip pencils and how WE ARE NOT fooled into thinking they have fuller lips than the ones The Good Lord gave them. We would also join hands and sing kum-bi-ya in mournful tones to mark our mutual distaste for the practice of pairing really dark lipliner with lighter lipstick or gloss.
We might talk about the wrongful use of foundations. Both color-wise and amount. Of course we would reminisce about Missus Orange Head...the lady who worked at the Kmart since time began (or since we moved here) whose foundation was, okay yes, you guessed...orange. Coppery orange. Inhumanly orange. Like, "I didn't know they even made a foundation that orange," orange. And how you fondly referred to her as Orange Head on occasion and everyone in the room immediately knew who you were talking about. She also wore a wig with a headband (talk about gilding the tiger lily)...but that is another story for another day.
We would definitely raise our fists against racoonesque black eyeliner for daytime wear (or anytime it ain't applied with restraint after 6 pm). We'd have to discuss the tragedy of hair dyed and fried to heinous troll doll crispy whisps (try saying that fast after a few social drinks). And we would most likely tell a story or two on ourselves, admitting the time we cut our own hair with a manicure scissors in college for reasons that are still unclear. Or that unfortunate time period in our pasts when we got suckered into attempting to "sculpt" cheekbones by "shading" with brownish products and or bronzers that ran us all amuck.
I'm just sure we would debate and rank the horrors of overplucked eyebrows, feathery lispstick, wily facial hair and gals that definitely need to wax but don't and laugh and throw empties over our shoulders with perfect aim into the recycling bin.....if only (heavy sigh)
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and poorly made-up creatures are. Although, beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.
Where do you find the time?
I could share stories of perming my already wavy hair - with the intent of adding body to the roots (it was long and the weight made the top flat) - only to end up with my name written over the office copy of the Cathy Guisewite (cartoon character) "stress" poster... as the top was still flat but the bottom became pure frizz - making an nice overall "half dome" result. Ahh, pass the pitcher of martinis.
1987- fushia hair.... I'll bring the wine!
sounds like a plan sister
nothing says "I'm cuckoo" like drawn-on anything!!!!!
thank you....
you are right of course....for what is life, except an opportunity to give one another something to gawk and talk about. I firmly believe a sense of the ridiculous that includes ourselves is mandatory too.
There was a woman on a TV makeover show here in the UK a couple of weeks ago who shaved her eyebrows with a disposable razor every morning, then drew them back on a few centimetres higher - so she'd have more room for eyeshadow. The eyeshadow she favoured was shiny, of course. She'd been doing this since the 1970s and no one had ever told her how terrible it looked. I'm still shuddering at the sight..
Slant - always slant.
OOoohh harsh!!!
I would say I go for the slant pink tweezerman.
I have cut my own hair with nail scissors and have the pictures to proove it!
As for foundation, I am still clueless as to what colour I should really be wearing so always go for sheer, fair/pale and mix it with moisturiser. NEVER orange and never tide-marks around the chin!
Lipliner!!? Do people really use it?? I can't even wear proper lipstick without looking like I have time travelled, well maybe 10 years actually!
I have only recently bought some moisture enriched lippys and they are ok but I nearly always go for the gloss. Especially now I have short hair and my hair doesn't stick to it.
Which is worse pale lippy with dark liner or shaved brows and filled in a cm higher?
(I do fill my brows in because I did overpluck them in the past but I hope that you can see from photos I am subtle and they look au naturel!)
I LOVE a good bitch at strangers by the way!!!!!
This is turning into Miss Bitter's Secret Beauty Tips! I think we really need to have a dedicated Beauty Tip blox. Whaddaya say, BL?
Foundation is not for me. Less is more with age. And, yes--- KellyG--- you do seem to know your way around the browse.
(BTW, does anyone use Benefit's BrowZing? Love that stuff!).
... gotta get to the beauty supply store for the pink tweezerman, before they close...