thebitterlinguist’s blog

oh dear I've done it now

OPENING SCENE:

So on our way up to Ladyparts, WI last weekend we stopped in Eau Claire (where my third son is interred) to pay our respects at the mausoleum. When we got there I realized I was ill-prepared...I had not picked up any flowers for his bronze vase. So Karren says "I don't think one of these old guys would mind if we took a bunch from the many they have." Being me, I thought WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? Being Karren she immediately walked around the corner, looked to make sure no one was around, and then took a small bouquet of bright yellow fake tiger lilies from a vase overflowing with them.

My co-worker Dan says that is NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY.

Bullet train to hell status: I am now one seat closer to the dining car where I hope to be serving cocktails.

.

Oh yes maam it does

Am recovering from quite a weekend. In the last six months I have been working with a non-profit started by a woman in my community whose daughter was murdered by her abusive boyfriend. (If you want to read more pick up this month's issue of Marie Claire magazine or go to their website...the story is titled "Desperately Seeking Becky"). She and I have been cohorts since the day she walked into my office at the Oconomowoc Focus with her convoluted story of murder and mayhem.

I am the president of her board and among other things she is a victim's advocate who travels to all the prisons in the state to talk to inmates about domestic violence. She was going WAY up north to two last weekend and wanted me to come along to get a taste of what it is like. Very interesting.

On a side note we ended up drinking with some local folks who took us to a tattoo party (as you would if spending the entire weekend in a truly Godforsaken corner of Wisconsin). Yes. Of course. You know I did it. Did you even have to ask if I got one?

Shall I write more vignettes from this weekend?

Me

I have not posted in eons...thot I would wander back and say Howdy Neighbors. My life has changed a bit and getting through that required a lot of my energy. Another divorce folks. Yes me and the Numister hit the skids last Fall. He became progressively less tolerant of my boys...and you all know that my boys outrank any man...even the beloved side-winding, bush-whacking, no-good-nik bum AKA husband number two.

I am full-on blonde.

I am still working for the state legislature...but hopefully not too much longer.

I have a new non-paying position as President of the Board for the Broken Wings Network.

There's more....will save it for tomorrow.

Bye Bye Birdie

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Hey everyone! I took a hiatus this summer basically because I could not think of a darn thing to say. At least that would be at all interesting. And in fact, still cannot. Who knew dealing with all my issues would leave me so....boring? Or at least quiet.

I told my therapist that a few sessions ago, and she said that I need to be boring, I must be boring, that boring is, as I experience/interpret it, in fact not really boring at all. In fact, NORMAL people feel like this all the time. Not wracked with fear alternating with swan dives into vats of grief. NORMAL folks don't live in a constant state of near or flat-out hysteria. Who knew?

Can I just tell you I have spent the last few months sampling a smorgasbord of therapeutic delights....eye movement therapy for trauma, hypnosis, inner child work, shame release, reparenting....as well as all the usual talk-talk-talk.

And I am here to tell you I feel good. Not such a prisoner to emotions both old and new. The traumas are starting to fade and dissintegrate. The drama has left my way of thought, and the way I interpret things.

Call me crazy, but that shit really works.

i'm okay, you're okay

4 comments

If you weren't completely depressed before this rant...please read on to feel the urge to open not one, but every vein in your arm. As if the plastic boob epidemic were not enough...we now have women going under the knife for designer vaginas (I just read this in the news people). To get their unacceptable and hideously not-right-enough labia and such altered surgically...so, what, it's way easier for the husband du jour to pretend he's poking a porn star or little girl? Are you telling me all the generations of child-bearing women before us of centuries, no eons past, were secret and utter disappointments to their men after childbirth?

Who can we blame for this last bit of soul-destroying insanity? Shall we blame the media? The porn industry, now more mainstream than ever? The plastic surgery industry cashing in on some people's complete self-loathing? Naw...let's place the blame squarely where it really belongs...with ourselves. Our collective sisterhood so weakened by foolishness and fractiousness that we cannot rally the troops or bring more into the fold of common sense, and a brand of feminism that strengthens all of us. Sheesh.

This goes out to all my Voxland perimenopausal girlfriends out there. Read this and then give yourself a snack and or a nap in honor of Who You Are Right Now!

Weight management is a little different during perimenopause. Why is that? When the ovaries start reducing the amount of estrogen that they produce, the fat cells have a growing role in the production of estrogen. They respond and increase their size and ability to store fat. This happens more in the waist and abdominal area. The adrenals produce a form of testoserone which the liver transforms to estrogen with the fat cells around these organs providing the environment for this to happen.   The hormone shifts tend to add the weight to the abdomen; however, this is also related to insulin resistance. This is being linked to health risks of diabetes, cardiac problems, and hypertension.   This process of fat gain may start as early as 35 and continue until postmenopause. Then weight stabilizes and many women lose weight at this point. Until then, fighting against the fat gain and changing body shape is more difficult. Some weight gain is viewed as normal and beneficial. Those with more fat have been found to have fewer perimenopausal symptoms, sleep better, and have stronger bones. Some consider a gain of up to 10 pounds from the ages of 35 to 55 as healthy due to the estrogen factor. More than that increases the risk of cardiovascular and other diseases.

Also don't confuse adding some fat during these years as not being fit. Exercise and fitness goals are most appropriate and you don't have to be skinny to be fit. Dieting will be less effective the more  your estrogen levels are reducing. The fat cells will just work harder at storing fat. And of top of this, dieting lowers the estrogen levels faster in your body  with subsequently more perimenopausal symptoms.   So what can you do until you hit the postmenopausal weight loss? Appreciate the wisdom of your body. It is working hard to balance your hormones. Work with it and not against. Keep a balanced, nutritional diet along with a good exercise regime. Don't try to starve the fat away. This won't work. Appreciate your wonderful female body and shape. Summer Nap

I'm okay, you're okay

1 comment

Yesterday I was "talking" with my dearly beloved about the kids, and some of the issues we face as a blended family. Quotation marks are needed because you and I both know it was more like we were fighting like a couple of tipsy seagulls. Skawking. Lotsa pecking and flapping about. 

Yes. Some harsh words were spoken. Yes. I did indulge in a crying jag. Yes. A few social drinks had been had by all. Beers and tears...one usually follows the other in my world. But at one point I do recall wailing, and rightly so............"I am doing the best I can."

So feeling like a Clinically Depressed Giant Pile of Ass this morning...I did some thinking and some reading. And this is what I have decided on the subject (and so it shall be):

1. We are always doing the best we can based on the totality of who we are and what we believe at each moment.

2. Because as creatures, we are hard-wired to shrink from pain and move toward feeling good.

3. However, though sometimes our choices are mistakes, the choosing was not.

4. Therefore, let it now be resolved that doing the "best we can" ought to be good enough for us all.

And so today I declare that everyone (even those we really don't like at all for various very obviously solid or not so solid reasons) just very well may be doing the best they can for today.

I have been on a hiatus from Vox and feeling badly about it too. But now I am back...too much work related hysteria, and a bit of a dry spell in terms of writing. Will post something soon.

somebody is feeling their oats

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Lately, kids, I have been taking stock. Mainly because sometimes when I am sitting across from someone who barely knows me, or thinks they know me, or tells me something about myself that they think they have figured out, I am tempted to reach across the divide, take their hand and say, "Do you know who you are trifling with?" See I have a motherly veneer, a generous spirit  and it fools certain fools into thinking they can put me into a category or dismiss my power.

I have earned every scar, every gold star and every reason to sing off-key or laugh too loudly or bare my life for others if I want to. I have seen things. I have been places. I have walked long miles into some harsh winds. You think you know me? Try again.

I have been a cheerleader, a waitress, a protester, an abused woman. I have been a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. I have experienced abortion, miscarriage and the death of a son. I have gotten into the New York Times news room on sheer persistance and Midwestern niceness. I have feared for my life. I have  been arrested. I have  faced my own arrested development. I have played on the first varsity girls soccer team in the  state. I have appeared in an after-school movie. I have raised three sons alone. I have lost my shoe while stinking drunk. I have lost financial security. I have won awards as a journalist. I have been hounded by lawyers and creditors. I have been given hundreds of thousands of dollars from the people who love me most. I have failed and had to try again as a parent. I lived for 18 years with another's mental illness. I have filed a restraining order. I have climbed mountains. I have written books. I have had great love. I have had long years with none. I have believed and I have doubted. I have built things with my own hands. I have broken things out of rage and necessity. I have been a good and trusted friend. I have been robbed. I have stolen. I have been fucked over and well-fucked.

And that's just the short list.

WHEW, PEOPLE!

I just came up for air after a week and a half of being caught in the swirling vortex that was the introduction of a controversial proposed piece of new legislation.

Press conference, media blitz, scheduling nightmare, phone 'n email answering melee.

My boss introduced a new bill he authored that would require all child sex offenders convicted of first or second degree assault to have bright green license plates on their cars.

Every news outlet from here to the UK (Joel did an interview today with Irish National Radio) picked it up including CNN, Fox News and everyone else in between and including local news outlets everywhere. Plus "folks" from all over the country called (ME...the phone monkey) to discuss, express concern for the offenders, tell me their tales of woe, swap recipes and or ideas for harming said offenders and or corraling them all, suggest more bills for plates for everyhting from drunk driving to puting on makeup while driving,  etc., etc......blahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Do I sound like I am babbling and repeating myself (or possibly could?)...cuz I am.  

same idea